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Detroit Lions: A fan’s eternal delights of the offseason

By Payne Schanski

ARLINGTON, TX - JANUARY 04: A Detroit Lions fan looks on before a NFC Wild Card Playoff game against the Dallas Cowboys at AT&T Stadium on January 4, 2015 in Arlington, Texas. (Photo by Sarah Glenn/Getty Images)
ARLINGTON, TX - JANUARY 04: A Detroit Lions fan looks on before a NFC Wild Card Playoff game against the Dallas Cowboys at AT&T Stadium on January 4, 2015 in Arlington, Texas. (Photo by Sarah Glenn/Getty Images) /
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With plenty of dead time between now and the Detroit Lions’ season, what’s the best way to pass that time? Maybe the offseason is underrated after all.

Considering that I volunteer my time writing for a site that specializes in round-the-clock NFL fanaticism, the following statement may sound strange, but it’s 100% true. I actually really enjoy the Detroit Lions offseason. Maybe even more than the season itself.

This sacred time presents a golden opportunity to enjoy the finer points of leisure time. No curses and championship droughts to break, statistics of futility to amend, or Aaron Rodgerses to habitually torment me. Over the years, I’ve slowly perfected a month-by-month routine that leads to maximum offseason enjoyment when used as directed.

With that said, here are some simple joys I count on each year, filling the void caused by Lions offseason.

January

  • Experiencing the sensation of needing to find a way to fill the extra time on Sunday afternoons. In the heart of winter, this isn’t always successful, but is a new and exciting feeling nonetheless.
  • YouTubing playoff highlights from 1992. Sure, the Lions went out to Seattle and crapped the bed this year, and it stung. That does not erase the 38-6 demolition of the Cowboys back at the old Silverdome though! Sadly, I was too young to see that game, but it keeps hope alive that a playoff win is possible.
  • Catching up on Premier League. Rooting on Crystal Palace’s annual fight for premiership survival is great for two reasons:
    • 17th place and above is a successful enough season, and even cause for celebration in most cases.
    • Even if Palace ends up being relegated, I’d probably get over it pretty quickly

February

  • Comparing my own workout numbers to the guys at the NFL Combine. The delight only fades slightly when my stats inevitably don’t stack up very well. Who cares about benching 225 anyway?
  • Watching other sports again without the outcome affecting my appraisal of the entire weekend when I return to work on Monday.

March

  • Comparing Matthew Stafford‘s stats to old guys like Sammy Baugh. I love going to Pro-football-reference just to put Staff’s numbers next to Slingin’ Sammy, who was once widely known as “the greatest quarterback who ever lived”. I highly recommend it if you ever need further convincing that Stafford is the greatest quarterback who ever lived.
  • Not wearing my Lions winter hat around Boston anymore and having strangers apologize to me for it. Spring is in the air.

April

  • Texting my brother the same thing every year on the day of the Michigan spring game. It’s always, “the winners get steak, and the losers get hot dogs.” That’s probably not even true anymore, but it’s something our Uncle Dave said a long time ago and it stuck.
  • Staring at the new Lions schedule on the day it comes out. Rationalizing until I’ve fully convinced myself that at least 12 wins is a foregone conclusion for the upcoming season.
  • Hating on the NFL Draft., that overblown and painfully boring spectacle. Paying closer attention to it than I care to admit. Talking myself into guys like Teez Tabor and Jarrad Davis. Hearing people still try to talk themselves into Eric Ebron.

May/June/July

  • Men’s league basketball season. Some much needed time away from the computer.
  • End of Premier League season (Palace survives again!), Champions League final, NBA Finals, and Wimbledon. From the start of May until early July undoubtedly provides the best variety of enjoyable sport watching until someone convinces me otherwise. I didn’t even mention baseball season, the Triple Crown, and the golf U.S. Open (not my cup of tea, but those all exist too.)
  • YouTubing “Stafford Mic’d Up” against the Browns in 2009. Questioning whether a 1-8 team beating another 1-8 team in a game that I couldn’t even watch can really be my #2 all-time favorite Lions moment.

Next: NFC North Position Rankings - Cornerbacks

  • July rolls around, the offseason OF the offseason. Holding pattern until training camp starts. Blissfully not giving the Lions another thought until August.
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