Dear Detroit Lions, please don’t go undefeated in the preseason again

The Detroit Lions are two wins away from going undefeated in the preseason. If they know what’s good for them, they won’t let that happen again.

Over the weekend, the Detroit Lions beat the New York Jets 16-6 in their second preseason game. Stafford tossed a nice little fade to Marvin Jones for the game’s only touchdown, the Lions still can’t run the ball, even in practice games, etc, etc. This ‘victory’ inches them closer to a third undefeated preseason in the past decade.

My advice to Lions coaches and management? Don’t allow this to happen.  If at all possible, find a way to lose at least one of the final two preseason games. Life’s too short to be going undefeated in the preseason.

I understand that plenty of the guys getting heavy mileage in these games are scrapping for a few precious roster spots, looking for a few extra paychecks and to keep lifelong NFL dreams alive. I’m all for that.

This plea is mostly geared towards the coaches and management. Run all of your worst plays during these next two game simulations. Send out weak personnel units that don’t click with each other. Martha Ford won’t be marching in and making heads roll due to a bad preseason.

The Shadow Dynasty

In Detroit, they may hang up banners for playoff appearances, but not even the Lions can stoop low enough to commemorate their decade-long run of preseason success. And there has been plenty. The 2008 and 2011 campaigns both yielded an unbeaten month of non-competition, culminating in the dubious honor of NFL Preseason Champions.

On top of that, Detroit is closing in on a 6th NFC North preseason title in ten years, with 30 wins in their last 40 preseason games. Between 2008 and 2010, they went 10-2 in preseason games. During this same stretch, they were 8-40 in the real ones. Seriously, how can you possibly win more fake games than real ones over three years? How pointless is that?

There are very few things that trying too hard in the preseason can get you (none of which you really want):

• A season ending injury to a key player (Kerry Hyder).
• Complete NFL surveillance for each and every one of your dirty plays forever (Ndamukong Suh).
• Cruel false advertising when you really had an 0-16 team on your hands (2008)

Going undefeated in preseason is like…

• The guy you play tennis with who won’t let you warm up properly. He’s crushing winners past you when you’re trying to loosen up and cooperatively rally back and forth a little bit.
• The guy in school who makes a big show of finishing his math test first. Sharply exhaling, flipping the paper over extra hard. Hoping you don’t notice that he didn’t double check anything and will have a D minus once actual grades come out.
• The guy who cares more about doing a good job interview than doing a good job. He wows everyone at the interview and gets hired on the spot. Three months in, he can’t do a thing, takes two sick days a week, and now you’re stuck with him.

This needs to stop. Don’t be that guy, Lions.

There is absolutely nothing to be gained from an undefeated preseason. It’s less important than the Michigan Spring Game. The winners don’t even get steaks. The losers don’t even get hot dogs.

This is Don Quixote fighting windmills. Second and third string windmills. This is a pointless pissing contest where the only claim to bragging rights is, “the guys WE’RE about to cut are better than the guys YOU’RE about to cut!”

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You know who didn’t care one bit about the preseason? Barry Sanders.

This year’s edition of the Detroit Lions would do well to follow his lead. Don’t go undefeated in the preseason (again).