Reading between the lines: Jim Colletto speaks, impresses no one


The latest member of the Detroit Lions to speak to the media is new offensive coordinator Jim Colletto. He gave his thoughts on several pressing issues, such as what positions the Lions may target early in the draft, why Kevin Jones was cut, and what to expect in 2008 from Drew Stanton, George Foster and Jonathan Scott.

Of course, much of what was said was filtered for media consumption. So much as I did with the porn ‘stached goon and Mike Martz, SideLion Report reads between the lines to reveal what Colletto was really thinking…

Colletto was asked which is the greater need, running back or offensive lineman?

Colletto: “I’m not sure yet. But I think if you had to rank one over the other, it probably would lean a little bit toward running back at this point. But I don’t know. We’ll take either one if they fit the bill.”

Truth: “If the season started today, Tatum Bell would be the starter. If that isn’t reason enough to pick a running back in the 1st round, I don’t know what is.”

Colletto in regard to the draft being deep in both running backs and offensive linemen…

Colletto: “We do, that’s the one nice thing. We have, I think, two picks in the third round. So we think the guys we’re interested in – and as you know, it changes at a moment’s notice – might be there when the time comes.”

The truth: “When it’s our time to draft in the 3rd round, Matt Millen is likely to flip a damn coin to make the picks, so your guess is as good as mine who we’ll take when the time comes. Personally, I’m expecting another wide receiver or three…”

Colletto then expands upon how he believes his head coaching experience helps…

Colletto: “I also know from my trials and tribulations as a head coach, you better be good on defense first, and I think that’s the orientation we’re going in.”

The truth: “My offense blew goats at Purdue, but my defense blew even worse. I barely made it out of West Lafayette alive! God damn Boilermakers… So yeah, if your offense is going to blow goats, you better be ready to go on defense.”

Colletto on why the Lions cut ties with Kevin Jones…

Colletto: “I think part of the problem was not having him there all of last year getting prepared to play and then having to practice in pain all the time. And then having to do that again – and not knowing what his health was going to be – you just can’t take that gamble.”

The truth: “Last season it was his foot. This season it was his knee. Next season? For we knew, he’d be decapitated. As we are going to be drafting a running back in the 1st round as it is, why keep an injury waiting to happen in Jones around? For that matter, Marinelli wants to sign that free agent running back from Tampa. What’s his name? Pittsnoggle? Pittsburgh? Pitterman? Oh yeah, Pittman. Michael Pittman. All things being equal, Rod says to always go with the Buccaneer.”

Colletto on 2nd year QB Drew Stanton…

Colletto: “We’re not going to just overload him with information and he can’t participate. “We want to find out what he can do.”

The truth: “Before we can even think of playing Stanton, we have to deprogram Martz’s bullshit offensive schemes out of him. Expect another year of Stanton wasting away on the bench.”

Colletto claims offensive tackle George “What’s the snap count?” Foster will be better in 2008…

Colletto: “We’re not going to put him in situations that he’s going to have to hold up forever pass-protection-wise. He had more information on his plate than he could really handle. Already you can see a little bit of difference in him in just the few days we’ve been with him. I think he’s going to be much more relaxed.”

The truth: “It’s simple, really. Foster will suck less if given much less to remember. Which is why every single solitary snap will be on the count of one in 2008. Thus, no pressure to remember the snap count, resulting in no more false starts from Foster! Genius, huh? Let’s see Martz think of something so brilliantly simple!”

Colletto on the chances of their 5th round pick in 2006, offensive tackle Jonathan Scott, playing more…

Colletto: “He’s been hurt the last two years. “It’s time to get over that. Just like George, it’s time to put up or shut up, so to speak.”

The truth: “When your other option at tackle is so dense we had to give him less to remember in order to keep him on the field, damn straight we’re giving Scott every chance to prove himself. At least Scott can remember the God damn snap count, so that already puts him up on Foster.”