At the scouting combine, Mike O’Hara, Lions beat writer at the Detroit News, shocked the NFL world by actually coaxing our moron of a GM to come out of hiding, and give an exclusive interview. Let’s break down Matt Millen’s words of wisdom delusion together, shall we?

"President Matt Millen believes the Detroit Lions improved in 2007, but the second-half swoon overshadowed their final 7-9 record.“Of course it did,” Millen said Wednesday in an exclusive interview with The Detroit News. “It’s a results-oriented business. We wasted a tremendous opportunity.”The Lions were 6-2 in the first half but went 1-7 the rest of the way."

Results oriented business? Please. Not when it comes to the Detroit Lions! If that was true, Millen’s clueless ass would have been back in the FOX broadcasting booth 4 years ago.

As for wasting a tremendous opportunity? No shit, Sherlock. The Lions were 6-2, and gagged away what should have been a sure thing wild card slot. It’s not as if playoff spots grow on trees in Detroit, dumb ass.

I’ll say it right now, and you can quote me. “The Lions will never make the playoffs with Matt Millen running the team. NEVER!”

The interview continues…

"Millen remains firmly committed to head coach Rod Marinelli, who is beginning his third season with the Lions. The Lions were 3-13 in Marinelli’s first season.“Rod — I love the guy,” Millen said. “Rod treats football — the most important thing for him is the game itself. That’s what I appreciate about him.”"

This “Marinelli lives football” shit drives me up a God damn wall. The Sarge supposedly eats, drinks and sleeps NFL football. So what? It doesn’t make Marinelli a good coach, not when he’s handicapped with Corky from “Life Goes On” as his GM.

Ever notice Millen and Corky are never seen together? Hmm… 

Didn’t Millen just say it’s a “results oriented business?” OK, let’s look at the results. What’s Marinelli’s record as Lions coach?

10-22. That’s a .313 winning percentage.

Every other team in the NFL would have canned their head coach with those “results.” But not the Lions! Hell, no! Averaging 5 wins a season in Detroit is reason enough in Lions-land to have Marinelli in line for an extension! It was enough to get Millen one in 2005! Christ…

"Millen is attending the NFL Combine. He spoke briefly Wednesday during a break in a competition committee meeting. Millen has not done any extensive interviews since the end of the season.Marinelli puts a premium on having players with “football character.” Acquiring players who fit his mold in the free-agent market and the draft is a priority, Millen said.“We have more than we’ve had, but not as many as we need,” Millen said. “Some of the guys we have are starting to understand what that means.”"

Screw finding players with “football character.” I have a suggestion for for our IQ challenged GM. How about finding players with “FOOTBALL TALENT” instead?

As for the mold? I take it he’s talking about finding tough, disciplined athletes. Building from the lines on out. You know, all that “pound the rock” BS. For all the talk of molds, I’m still confused. Marienlli is a career line coach. Millen was your prototypical blue collar, down and dirty linebacker. So why the fetish for diva skill players?

If there actually was a mold, in last year’s draft the Lions would have taken Joe Thomas, a bruising offensive lineman who made the Pro Bowl. But, once again, they became fascinated with a wide out, and drafted Calvin Johnson instead. A pretty good player, but a wholly redundant one.

If the Lions go away from the proverbial mold in the 2008 draft? I’m going postal.

"Free-agent signing begins Feb. 29. The draft is April 26-27. The Lions have the 15th pick overall, their lowest draft position since 2001.Millen did not speak about specific needs, but Marinelli has said the Lions will seek to upgrade the defense and running back.“We need to get the holes filled with the right kind of player,” Millen said. “You can look at our team and know what we need. But you have to get them filled with the right kind of player.”"

Holes? HOLES? The Lions roster has more holes than moldy swiss cheese. The holes are more obvious than the holes you’ll find in a fat chick’s panty hose. The roster holes are big enough to drive a 1959 Cadillac through unscathed.

It’s going to take more than one draft to plug all the gaping holes. Don’t forget, we’re talking about a Millen run draft, where finding a player who can contribute immediately is a rare and totally unexpected thing.

Again, the right kind of player is one that has TALENT. If he doesn’t have an history of injury //cough//Drew Stanton//cough//, all the better.

Running back, defense, whatever. They’ve been needs for how long? Oh yeah, for YEARS!

The defense has been ignored in the majority of the Millen run drafts. When he has taken a defender, save for Ernie Sims, there’s been problems. Though talented, the only shape Shaun Rogers can get into is round. Boss Bailey’s knees were held together with spit and bailing wire…coming out of college. He’s been a bust. Teddy Lehman? Shawn Cody? Kalimba Edwards? Bust, bust, and “oh my God what a God damn bust!”

As for running back? Kevin Jones is a nice player, but he can’t stay healthy. He’s proven that by being sidelined by injury every season of his career. Let’s not even go into the weak offensive line, the undermanned defensive backfield, and the overall lack of depth.

The needs the moron brings up have been there for quite some time. With the incompetent boob remaining at the helm, those will still be needs next year as well.

"Marinelli has made some major changes on the offensive staff since the end of last season. Mike Martz was fired as offensive coordinator and replaced by Jim Colletto, the offensive line coach in 2007. Kippy Brown, the receivers coach the last two years, was promoted to assistant head coach and will be in charge of the passing game.Colletto will have overall authority and call plays."

Say what you will about Mike Martz (Loony, hard-headed, pass happy, run adverse, legend in his own mind), at least he had a proven track record of success. Say what you will about Jim Colletto and KIPPY!, their track record…well…blows.

Colletto has been nothing more than a mediocre position coach with the Lions. My God, he was full blown failure as a head coach at Purdue. He was run out of West Lafayette with fans carrying pitchforks and torches close behind. I have no confidence at all in Colletto as an offensive coordinator. None whatsoever.

As for KIPPPY!? I don’t trust any football coach named KIPPY! KIPPY! is the name of a sitcom sidekick, maybe a goldfish, not the man in charge of bastardized version of Martz’s passing game that has “FAIL” written all over it.

"“I think we’re better than we were a year ago at this time,” Millen said. “We have questions that are answered. We don’t have questions that are open-ended. Things have been defined. That the first thing.“Maybe the bigger thing, I’m just a lot more comfortable with Rod. Rod is a lot more comfortable with his staff. All those things will make us better. We’re further down the line.”"

In other words, Millen is saying, “We blew chunks over the final 8 games, and Mr. Ford wouldn’t go for firing Marinelli and his entire staff, so we used Mike Martz as a scapegoat. That bought us a couple more seasons, at the very least.”

Millen comes off as sounding foolish, which is nothing new, when he claims “we’re better than we were a year ago.” No way in HELL are the Lions in better shape as compared to a year ago.

They have a turnover prone QB who’s in another year older, takes more hits than Tommy Chong does on his bong, with no proven backup. The offensive line was a sieve in 2007, and it’s going to lose the overrated, but still a legit NFL lineman, Damion Woody, to free agnecy. The starting running back, Jones, is coming off two major season ending injuries in two seasons, and like QB, has no proven backup. TJ Duckett, the only Lion back free agent back worth keeping, is a free agent. If he knows what’s good for him…

The defensive line, the area of Marinelli’s supposed expertise, disappeared in the final 8 games, the pass rush non-existent. You have Sims, and a bunch of never-were’s, never-gonna-be’s, and gonna-be-injured types at linebacker. The defensive backfield has to wear sunscreen, as they were getting burned so often. When Fernando Bryant is your best cover corner…’Nuff said.

On the bright side, the Lions are just fine at wide receiver. But you already knew that, as they have 16 of them counted against the salary cap…

When you look at the Lions roster that way, would anyone other than the mentally defective Millen think the team was better? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

I didn’t think so.

Millen may have questions that are answered, but I have one that is not.

Why do you still have a job?