Detroit Lions: Goodnight 2015


The Detroit Lions did again what they’ve done so many times before. They made their fans believe in the impossible. Then they proceeded to sucker punch them in the heart until they passed out.

There is nothing like being a Detroit Lions fan. Ok maybe I’m wrong when I say that. Being a Lions fan is a lot like dating a crazy person. At times it can feel like the best decision of your life. Your running down the beach hand in hand and laughing hysterically at each others jokes. Then you find them snooping through your phone and burning your house down while their head spins and they shout demonic slurs at you.

It’s like going to the movie theater to see Goodfellas, and wind up seeing KnockAround Guys instead. It truly is an incredible thing that confuses many. When the Pistons are bad, you know they are bad. Same goes with the Tigers. When the Lions are bad, you find ways to not accept it. A lot of that stems from the fact that the Lions have a knack for getting themselves back to prominence before they ultimately falter. It’s like stopping in heaven on your way to hell.

Last night everything just went too well in the first half. Delusions of grandeur were going through my head and the heads of many Lions fans. You found yourself thinking of ways to zing Packers fans after the game and you looked forward to hat appears to be one of the easiest remaining schedules in the NFL. But somewhere in the back of your mind you were just waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Oh did it fall. The Lions proceeded to let the Packers back in the game. Then they of course did the same old conservative game plan when they should have been sticking the knife in the back of the Packers and twisting it. You had to know the Packers would win when the Lions left 30 seconds on the clock for Aaron Rodgers to work. Sure enough the Lions managed to put themselves in another situation where a bad call lost them the game.

Somehow this team managed to lead the game for the entire 60 minute duration and still lost. If that’s not the most Lions thing ever, then I don’t know what is. Sure it was a bad call and it’s hard to argue that it didn’t cost the Lions the game. It did. Sure we can say all these nice things about how they gave up a 20 point lead and all this and that. But the fact remains, if there is no flag there the game is over.

Regardless of that the Lions had one last chance to make a big defensive play by simply stopping a hail mary. The chances of a hail mary play actually working out are incredibly slim. That’s why you don’t see in the NFL very often. To defend them couldn’t be any easier. Everybody go meet in the end zone and make sure they don’t catch it. Put the tallest guys out front and simply swat the ball away when it comes to you.

Instead Jim Caldwell designed the play that will get himself fired in a few weeks. Caldwell admitted that he expected to see a lateral instead of a hail mary. Forget the fact that the Packers had just run that play and were unlikely to try to run it again. Always set up for the hail mary. Because while they don’t work often, they work a lot more often than a lateral play that hasn’t worked since the band was on the field in 1982.

This loss hammered the final nail into a lost season that shown so much hope and aspiration at the beginning. If you’re on the side of the fence that wanted the Lions to tank, here you go. Enjoy some tanking.

Nov 15, 2015; Philadelphia, PA, USA; Miami Dolphins defensive tackle Ndamukong Suh (93) on the sidelines against the Philadelphia Eagles during the first quarter at Lincoln Financial Field. Mandatory Credit: Eric Hartline-USA TODAY Sports

Frankly the Lions should be counting the days until 2016 hits. 2015 has been a horrible year for this organization since January. Here’s some highlights.

  • Lost Wildcard game to Cowboys after controversial picked up flag.
  • Ndamukong Suh leaves for Miami. I guess these guys weren’t good enough to play with him either.
  • Mayhew misses on a few more draft choices. We’re looking at you Laken.
  • Haloti Ngata misses camp and doesn’t get it going till mid way through the season.
  • DeAndre Levy get’s injured.
  • Matthew Stafford almost dies in Minnesota.
  • Deandre Levy returns and re-injures himself. Out for the season.
  • Lions lose in Seattle after a controversial no call on batted ball out of the end zone.
  • Start season with 1-7 record.
  • Lions fire offensive coordinator Joe Lombardi.
  • Lions get embarrassed on the international stage.
  • Lions lose every nationally televised game except thanksgiving.
  • Lions fire GM Martin Mayhew and team President Tom Lewand.
  • Lions lose to Packers after controversial call and horrible coaching.
  • What’s next?

Wow that’s quite a list of horrible accomplishments. wining at Lambeau looks like the only positive. These things only happen to horribly mismanaged and mis-coached teams like the Lions. This list looks even worse when you look at the Patriots list.

  • Go to Super Bowl after deflated ball controversy.
  • Win Super Bowl.
  • Pay no consequences for controversy. Everybody forgets.
  • Win first 10 games. Ensuring that you’ll go back to playoffs.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this point. What I don’t want to hear anymore is the word playoffs. Sure the Lions are not mathematically eliminated from contention just yet. But let’s be honest here people. Even if the Lions won out and finished at 8-8, they would need the Packers, Seahawks, Falcons, Buccaneers and Saints to just drive off a cliff and not win another game. It’s time to stop dreaming this season.

Be excited for what looks to be an offseason chock full of news. the Lions have 11 draft picks, north of $20 million in cap space, will be hiring a new GM and new coaching staff and will get DeAndre Levy back. It’s already pretty exciting and it hasn’t even happened yet.

The funny thing is regardless of how angry I or any other Lions fan gets. We know that we’ll be in front of the TV next Sunday. Martha if you’re listening, this is the kind of loyalty that deserves reward.