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Matt Millen’s proposal to the NFL’s competition committee discovered!
In one of life’s weird conundrums, the Detroit Lions stumblebum of a GM, Matt Millen, is a member of the NFL’s “Competition Committee.” If there is a less competitive GM in the NFL, I dare you to name him. Yet somehow, someway, the porn ’stached goon is a member in good standing of the NFL’s most prestigious and influential rules making committee.
The main duty of the competition committee is to oversee competition (duh!), maintain the integrity of the game, often doing so by suggesting league wide rule changes.
Doing my due diligence as a member in good standing of the Detroit blogosphere, during my latest round of Lions research I uncovered Matt Millen’s list of suggested rules changes. These suggestions are to be debated at the next gathering of the competition committee at the NFL Owners’ Meetings, currently taking place in Palm Beach.
Rule change proposals to the National Football League competition committee
Matt Millen, Detroit Lions President & GM
1. Draft mulligans. (Pick a Mike Williams, get a do-over)
2. Free agency mulligans. (Sign a Damien Woody, get a do-over)
3. Contract mulligans (Re-sign a Tatum Bell, get a do-over)
4. 11 wide receivers to be allowed on the field at any time. (When you are paying 16 of them damn divas, this only makes sense)
5. Unlimited number of ex-Buccaneers allowed on your roster. (Suggested by Coach Marinelli)
6. All players required to wear porn ’staches. (It’s a GOOD look!)
Damn, I’m HOT!
7. Players are required to keep management informed as to the whereabouts of their testicles at all times. (No more asking players, “Where are your testicles?”)
8. Al Davis will be allowed to hand out as many insanely crazy, salary cap destroying contracts to underachieving players as he sees fit. (Not that he isn’t already, just see the laughable Kalimba Edwards deal, but let’s make it official.)
9. The Denver Broncos are barred from taking advantage of instigating trade talks with any team run by inept management unaware of a certain player’s proclivities to forget the snap count to make the occasional mistake. (I’m a little bitter, OK?)
10. League wide enforcement of Cosby sweater casual Fridays.
Forget about the mook on the right,
how about the SWEATER?!
[...] Some Dodger Stadium issues. [Beantown West] • Listen to what Matt Millen says, people. [SideLion Report] • All of today’s opening day lineups. [Walk Off Walk] • Preach, Ichiro, preach! [...]
March 31st, 2008 at 3:53 pm[...] Some Dodger Stadium issues. [Beantown West] • Listen to what Matt Millen says, people. [SideLion Report] • All of today’s opening day lineups. [Walk Off Walk] • Preach, Ichiro, preach! [...]
April 1st, 2008 at 10:43 am[...] Matt Millen’s proposal to the NFL’s competition committee discovered! [...]
April 1st, 2008 at 5:37 pmYou would think Ford would have figured by now to hire a consultant before he hired another GM, coach, or ball-boy. As for MM, I really feel in his impressionable youth, Lyle Alzado, John Matuzak, Ben Davis and the Leisure suited enabler, Al Baby Davis, the proximity of Alcatraz and San Quentin prisons would have, should have impressed upon him that there is both a right and wrong and there are either consequences or rewards for the behaviours of grown men. UA’s all around…here’s your cup.
April 9th, 2008 at 4:48 pm