Lions tackle Chuck “War-Daddy” Darby: D-linemen eat hearts!
When introduced to the Detroit media yesterday, the Lions new defensive tackle “war-daddy,” Chuck Darby, regaled to all his favorite meal.
“A war-daddy is a man who comes in with his sword, any given time, every game,” Darby said. “I believe in eating hearts, and I believe in everybody around me. That’s what D-linemen do. D-linemen eat hearts.”
If eating hearts will allow Darby to also devour QB’s and running backs on Sundays, I’m all for it! But as we all know, there’s more to a balanced diet than the hearts of the opposing team.
A “war-daddy” does not live on hearts alone. Darby needs to find nutrition from other sources. As yummy as hearts may be, I’m sure they don’t give you the daily recommended amounts of vitamins and minerals.
Not one to shrug off my journalistic duty, despite what a certain decrepit columnist at the Detroit News may think of me, by using my sources, I discovered the grocery shopping list of the “war-daddy,” Chuck Darby. My thoughts follow each item…
1. Hearts (Obviously)
2. Babies (Tender, good for late night snacking)
3. Fruity Pebbles (Likes it when the milk turns pink)
4. Liver (Seriously? What are the odds he wants a nice chianti and fava beans?)
5. Fava beans (No way! But they are high in fiber)
6. Chianti (It turned out the odds were quite good)
7. Puppies – Get kittens if they are out of puppies (Prefers them fresh, high in protein)
8. Pop Tarts (Likes the strawberry frosted kind)
9. Blood – Type O if they have it (To wash down the hearts while chowing down. Or is he a vampire?)
10. Garlic (I guess not)
11. Brains (To sprinkle on his Fruity Pebbles)
12. Charcoal and lighter fluid (To BBQ the babies, duh!)
13. Wet naps (Eating hearts is a messy endeavor)
I think we can all learn from the diet of the “war-daddy.” Fruity Pebbles are a part of a nutritionally balanced breakfast, and eating hearts is pretty damn gross.
